After reading “Love in the City” by Parrys Hampton (Sept. 2010), I found that I related to the article quite well. I have been in love so many times that I wouldn’t attempt to count. For the first 14 years of my bisexual life, I was terrified to lead an open life. That fear of being “out” kept me jumping from one relationship to another; as soon as he wanted to meet my family, I ran like hell. Every time, I found a reason to end the relationship.
At the age of 28 I faced that fear and told my family and friends. You would think that coming out would have solved my problems. Wrong! I became so desperate to be in a loving relationship that I clung to every man I dated. Within days, the “L” word would come flying out. I scared off a lot of men with that one.
My biggest mistake was my last relationship. I met a guy online (we’ll call him Bob), who lived in Little Rock, AR. We talked for several months, and then he came to Rhode Island for a week. Three days after his arrival we were engaged…. From zero to love in 6.2 seconds. Bob and I lasted six months. That last month destroyed my faith in love. I swore off love forever.
It’s been 18 months since Bob and I split up. Today I realize that the problem was not him – or any of them – but me. I didn’t like myself, so I clung to other people. After taking a long look at myself (thanks to the 12 steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous), I have realized that who I am is just fine and that in time, I will meet the right man. But it is a two-way street. You have to accept a person for who they are, including the negatives. That takes work, patience and, most important, communication. Mr. Right will not be Mr. Perfect; everyone has faults. The question is whether or not you can accept them.
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